Each experience of bereavement is different. There have been some worthy attempts to identify the sort of emotions and feelings people will experience following a death. These make interesting reading but may be unhelpful when we are shattered by a death. Death cannot be reduced to a set of logical or rational values.

`…in grief nothing stays put. One keeps emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral? But if a spiral, am I going up or down it?

Nobody can prepare for the changes brought by the death of a loved one. And many people are privately convinced that they are going mad in the weeks and months afterwards. There are many disturbing experiences we may have to cause us to feel this. Maybe we become forgetful - or keep glimpsing the dead person amongst people in the street. Some wonder why the tears wont stop - or start. We may wonder why we keep feeling a desperate need to look for the dead person? We worry that we have not 'got over it'. Perhaps sleeping,eating or the enjoyment of simple pleasures have now become impossible.

We are creatures of habit, and when our stability is broken by bereavement we can expect to be very disorientated. This is entirely normal. It is likely to take time to find stability again. During this time we will use a lot of emotional energy - grief is tiring - in searching for a new normality.

The mind may be so distracted and exhausted by the impact of the loss, that our normal thinking processes are affected. In a world where rationality and keeping control are central values the passion and power of our loss feelings can seem deeply disturbing. And yet it is all absolutely natural.

So we are not going mad - although grief can undoubtedly be very disturbing to the balance of the emotions, which can make us feel crazy. However, these feelings usually settle in time as we adapt to a new life without the person who has died.

Many people find it useful to speak with a counsellor when they are feeling overwhelmed by loss. And because counsellors are impartial and will never disclose the content of sessions - except in confidential professional supervision - individuals can open their hearts and minds in complete safety. They will not be judged or told what to do.